Pot Calling Kettle

by Hearse

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about

3244 days ago we appeared at Carolyn Mark’s World Famous Hootenanny, having rehearsed Petula Clark’s “Downtown” & the traditional “You Are My Sunshine” earlier that day over beers & cigarettes. 463 Hootenannys later we are still together, on stage & off.

2796 days ago we released our first recording, “448 Days”. 404 days ago we released “Special”, our second recording, which is actually the teaser-trailer for our first full-length album, “Pot Calling Kettle”, started 650 days ago & to be released 45 days from now.

credits

released September 5, 2014

bass DENNIS SIEMENS

drums JOEL FERNANDES

harms & carrots CAROLYN MARK

design EVAN PINE

tags

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about

Hearse Victoria, British Columbia

Hearse is the voices of J McLaughlin and Grayson Walker, guitar and accordion respectively, and an attempt to make our passage more comfortable. They have been told that despite their obvious focus on the participants of their performances, spectators also find solace in the evening Hearse.

Band Interests

Heineken and IPA, old picture books, rotting corner store signs.
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Track Name: Fireworks
FIREWORKS

you’re dumb when you’re drunk
you don’t know how to fight
if you keep this up
we’re gonna be here all night

you said you liked fireworks
i’ll give you fireworks
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down

oh i know it’s late
& you’ve had enough
see, i’m wide awake
& i’m calling your bluff

you said you liked fireworks
i’ll give you fireworks
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down

i don’t need no saint
never wanted a savoir to thank
you’re never impressed
i guess i’m not that good
even when i’m at my best

you’re dumb when you’re drunk
yeah you heard me right
put up your dukes
‘cause i’ll punch out your lights

you said you liked fireworks
i’ll give you fireworks
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down, down, down
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down
Track Name: No Cowboy
NO COWBOY

walking home through heat lightning
my moment of triumph
i can’t stop laughing
look at what i’ve done

there’s no cowboy
running after me
screaming i’m sorry


later than last call
i learned my lesson
me & my big mouth
curtsy & stagger on home

there’s no cowboy
running after me
screaming i’m sorry

see, i’ve got no willpower
i’m always the first to cry uncle
all right already
you can stop twisting
my rubber arm

walking home through heat lightning
the birds sing all night
i’m counting my blessings
i spin i’m a catherine wheel

there’s no cowboy
running after me
screaming i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
Track Name: Jimmy
JIMMY

jimmy, i’m feeling so bad
the last drink last night was
the straw that broke the camel’s back
oh baby don’t you get mad
just ‘cause momma’s tired of loaves & fishes

i never wanted someone
crawling sober over a thousand broken bottles
just to be by my side
all i want is someone to turn the lights down low
& hang a do not disturb sign on my door

jimmy, what have we done?
we dropped the penny, we lost the axe, & you
burned all your bridges down
oh baby it’s too late to play dumb
the writing’s on the
wall, read the fine print & weep

i never wanted someone
crawling sober over a thousand broken bottles
just to be by my side
all i want is someone to turn the lights down low
& hang a do not disturb sign on my door

now we know nothing really matters
bring me the head of mister hollywood
on a silver platter

jimmy, i’m tired & i’m bored
we tried every trick in the book but there’s no happy ending
oh baby i will always want more
so put up or shut up when never’s forever
enough is not enough

i never wanted someone
crawling sober over a thousand broken bottles
just to be by my side
all i want is someone to turn the lights down low
& hang a do not disturb sign on my door
Track Name: Posterboy
POSTER BOY

i wanna be your poster boy
of all the things you think are too sick to mention
i wanna be your little lamb
& follow you home

& late at night
when you are miles away & lost in dreams
i’ll still be standing on your back porch
whistling at the stars
whistling at the stars

& years from now
when you are miles away & dead to me
i’ll still be standing on your back porch
screaming at the stars
screaming at the stars

why? just tell me why! was it something i did or something i didn’t do or something i said or didn’t say? i’m a genius not a psychic i can’t read your fuckin’ mind. my darling mother tells me that i will never have closure, grow up & learn to be a normal human being unless you grow up, man up, grow a pair & tell me where i went so fucking wrong.

oh my love, my one true & only love. this is the part where we go from screaming to dreaming. that’s right because just like abba & martin luther king, i have a dream, i have a dream of a perfect dark & dangerous darling world. we’re going to lock the doors, roll down the blinds, dim the lights, & go thankfully, finally, blissfully crazy. we’ll order in ming’s special three for four to five people & a pizza & a deli platter with extra gherkins. & we’ll eat & eat & eat & drink dirty dark brown drinks until we start farting, farting like demons. & we’ll rise up & fly around the ceiling & we’ll be farting & eating & drinking
& smoking, smoking & farting, drifting & dreaming until we meet, high above the piano, & then! & then we’ll start kissing. kissing & farting & smoking & fighting. oh baby, it’ll be the love battle spectacular of the century! the love battle spectacular of the millennium! a knock-down, drag-out all you can eat conflagration of crazy, angry, filthy, sexy beauty. & we’ll never give up! we’ll never give in! we’ll go down in history kissing & farting & fighting & smoking together for ever & ever & ever amen! we gotta do it man. we just gotta do this thing. do you know why? do you know why? i’ll tell you why!

because
i wanna be your poster boy
of all the things you think are too sick to mention
i wanna be your little lamb
& follow you home
Track Name: Country Weeper No. 2 (Last Mistake)
COUNTRY WEEPER NO. 2 (LAST MISTAKE)

while you were sleeping i was drinking alone at the bar
the waitress walked over she asked where you were

oh if i could explain all this pain in my heart
but it’s so big i don’t know where to start

darlin’ try to understand
i said i do, but i don’t think i can
sooner or later, a heart’s gotta break
you’re my last mistake

the ring on my finger feels kind of tight
& you know it never fit me quite right

i was a hellcat, a loner until i met you
& i’ll be alone now that we’re through

darlin’ try to understand
i said i do, but i don’t think i can
sooner or later, a heart’s gotta break
you’re my last mistake

my life is in a suitcase in the back of our car
i took all the money from our cookie jar

there’s a note on the table & food on the stove
i’ll have one more & then i’ll hit the road

darlin’ try to understand
i said i do, but i don’t think i can
sooner or later, a heart’s gotta break
you’re my last mistake
you’re my last mistake
you’re my last mistake
Track Name: 101# So Romantic
101 # (SO ROMANTIC)

driving down the 101
all the way to santa cruz
pretty mikey’s at the wheel
you spin the dial, shoo wop doo wop baby

whiskey singing in our blood
top shelf, two for one
rode the giant dipper twice
hangin’ on for dear life

‘cause we were so romantic, so romantic
we were so romantic, so romantic

drummer from your other band
he says we make a pretty pair
stagger down the boulevard
stupid kisses everywhere

‘cause we were so romantic, so romantic
we were so romantic, so romantic

oh how i loved you then
& oh i still love you now
but it don’t take a fuckin’ einstein
to know it was never gonna work out
anyway it was never gonna work out
anyway anyhow

sunshine morning in a golden state
two-fifty buys you breakfast all day
don’t look back when we head north
‘cause i’m scared you’ll turn into a pillar of salt

‘cause we were so romantic, so romantic
we were so romantic, so romantic
we were so romantic, so romantic
Track Name: Trainwreck
TRAINWRECK

oh i wanna be your trainwreck baby
love me when i’m lit up like vegas
at the end of the night
when they turn up the lights
i wanna be your trainwreck

let me be your sweet wallflower
kiss me like there’s no tomorrow
in the shadow of the band
hold my hot little hand
i wanna be your trainwreck

i wanna carry your books
& walk you home
always breaks my heart
to see such a pretty thing
all alone...

i wanna be your drunk medusa
fuck me when nobody’s looking
put up a fight in the pale moonlight
& love me like a trainwreck

‘cause i am your last chance captain
love me when street lights are swaying
when no one’s around
let me drag you down

‘cause i wanna
i don’t know why, i just wanna
because i wanna be your trainwreck
Track Name: Cyclone Coming
CYCLONE COMING

cyclone coming just for me
i see her twistinghere she comes
i’ll warn you now
best watch your step
get in her way
she’ll blow you down
it’s me she’s coming for

when the wind picks up
all through the air blow odds & ends
but they aren’t what she’s coming for
it’s me she’s coming for

cyclone coming just for me
i see her twistinghere she comes
i’ll warn you now
best watch your step
get in her way
she’ll blow you down
it’s me she’s coming for

& when she gets here
then i’ll know
if a cyclone’s
what i’m made for
it’s me she’s coming for
it’s me she’s coming for
Track Name: Dreams
DREAMS

you show up in my dreams
horribly scarred & bewildered
i wake up at the part
when i recognize your heart
but i don’t wanna know

sometimes on the phone babe
i just feel so disconnected
there’s static on the line
how are you i’m fine
well i don’t wanna know

is it wrong to want to feel alright?
is it wrong to want a little more?
if we make it to last call
i get up off the floor
i pay your tab & raise your glass
& say i love you baby

we should just stay home
& drink ourselves to death
watch the episode of star trek
where the captain isn’t shatner
& then i’ll make you make love
‘cause green girls really turn me on
beam me up, baby

deep in my heart
i have a secret dream
that someday you will admit
you’re a tedious alcoholic,
i’m self-righteous hysteric
who screams & cries & always gets it wrong
lock me up, baby

you show up in my dreams
horribly scarred & bewildered
i wake up at the part
when i recognize your heart
but i don’t wanna know
there’s static on the line
how are you, i’m fine
well i don’t wanna know
next time we go drinking
don’t ask me what i’m thinking
‘cause you don’t wanna know
Track Name: Rooftop Rider
ROOFTOP RIDER

rooftop rider, party train
would you meet me down at the donut shop
‘cause your best friend
he said he never thought you’d ever give in

princess blooms against the blue
& i’m in a mood
lord won’t you buy me
a beautiful train wreck tonight

drowning
in drunken splendour
pretty as needs be
a sailor on shore leave

i’m just
trying so hard to be tender
bali hai my little darling
come to me, come to me

stars shine high overhead
& i made my bed
so please mister please
won’t you let these sleeping dogs lie

spotlight sways from red to green
caught in between
can’t catch the swing
of this clean, clean living

drowning
in drunken splendour
pretty as needs be
a sailor on shore leave

i’m just
trying so hard to be tender
bali hai my little darling
come to me, come to me

rooftop rider
rooftop rider
rooftop rider
Track Name: One Track Mind
ONE TRACK MIND

well i got a one track mind
i said i got a one track mind
i said i got this one track mind
dirty little pictures of you

well i got a one track mind
i said i got a one track mind
i said i got this one track mind
dirty little pictures of you

yeah i got this one track mind & my heart, my heart is a malevolent octopus monkey monster riding on the back of a huge rottweiler with pointy sharp teeth & scarlet pinwheel eyes but if you go deep inside the rottweiler’s heart there’s a baby! a beautiful precious baby! but it’s not really a baby. it’s a piñata & if you break the piñata baby it smashes into a million pieces & out jumps a tiny shiny fairytale creature, kind of a cross between a chihuahua, an angel, & a hummingbird with a diamond in its mouth & if you look closely at the flaw in the heart of the diamond you’ll see me about to say

i got this one track mind
i said i got a one track mind
i said i got a one track mind
dirty little pictures of you
dirty little pictures of you
dirty little pictures, pictures of you
Track Name: The Universal Song
THE UNIVERSAL SONG

(oooh, oooh, oh woah)

we know that you’re busy
(we know that you’re busy)
with your own busy-ness
(busy with busy-ness)
thinking ‘bout those problems we all have
(think about the problems that we all have)

we know about that stuff
(we know about stuff)
yes, life can be rough
(like ike & tina turner rough)
you got to be so tough (so tough)
to understand the things that we’re about to say

‘cause we don’t really want to connect with you
when we’re up here that’s not really what we’re trying to do
you might get the idea that we
care about the problems that you’re going through

not true, not true
not true, not true

we might tell a story about when we were young
keep the details general so it appeals to everyone
we’ll all reflect on this
while i (he) play(s) a solo on my (his) accordion

do de doo, do de doo

so please reward us for our honesty
get down on those knees & worship unconditionally
though it’s a sham & fraud
at the end you still applaud

(thank you! thank you, we love you!)
believing you’re a part of what we do
(oh you know you’re a part of what we do, oh!)
you really are the heart of what we do
(oh you know, you know, you’re the heart of what we do, oh!)

not true, not true
not true, not true
not true, not true
not true, not true

kelly hudson KELLY HUDSON
Track Name: Fireworks (Live)
FIREWORKS

you’re dumb when you’re drunk
you don’t know how to fight
if you keep this up
we’re gonna be here all night

you said you liked fireworks
i’ll give you fireworks
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down

oh i know it’s late
& you’ve had enough
see, i’m wide awake
& i’m calling your bluff

you said you liked fireworks
i’ll give you fireworks
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down

i don’t need no saint
never wanted a savoir to thank
you’re never impressed
i guess i’m not that good
even when i’m at my best

you’re dumb when you’re drunk
yeah you heard me right
put up your dukes
‘cause i’ll punch out your lights

you said you liked fireworks
i’ll give you fireworks
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down, down, down
come on you cowards
burn my schoolhouse down